Drive-In Delights

Welcome to another episode of Semi-Edible! Today is all about recreating that fun and fabulous drive-in food we all loved as teenagers. We start things off today with a super simple Green Parsley Slaw that’s going to taste so bland, no one will really be able to complain about it. Next we are going to make Sandy's favorite burger as a child, the Drive-In Walnut Burger. Not only does this russipe include yet another flavorful seasoning packet, but it also looks like dog food! Finally, it’s cocktail time- the best time of the day! And have I got a walk down memory lane for you. We all know Aunt Sandy’s fondest memory as a young adult was ordering her favorite Orange Smoothie from her local diner and then pouring in whatever cheap alcohol she could find when no one was looking. It is super smart, super sophisticated and you have got to try this (except don’t because it’s super gross).

We started off with the Parlsey Slaw, which requires a bag of shredded cabbage, a little mayo, sour cream, white vinegar, pinch of sugar and then 1c. chopped parsley and 1/2c. scallions. Can I just tell you, I will not buy bagged cabbage, it's around 10 times the cost of the ridiculously affordable heads of cabbage. So I bought a head, cut it in half, rinsed it off, finely sliced it....ten minutes LATER I finally had shredded cabbage. No, it took 2 minutes- tops. Ms. Lee is a lunatic, but I digress. This being the first russipe we tasted, we were pretty happy. It didn't taste like anything except cabbage and parsley lightly coated with mayo, and sometimes it had a delicious surprise crunch of scallion. Overall, it was average something that needed to be doctored up. So today when I used the second half of cabbage I added cider vinegar, sour cream (no mayo) dry mustard, cumin and smoked paprika...it was much better. Everything is better with cumin.

Happy that this side dish was edible, we moved onto the burgers. Everyone knows my disdain for items masking themselves as "burgers," but Liz is a veggielover so I have to eat them from time to time. Additionally, the putrid orange patties looked so disgusting on the show I just had to make them. These things were made from 1c. walnuts, 3/4c. canned chickpeas, breadcrumbs, 1 Tbs grill seasoning, paprika, red pepper flakes, cider vinegar, olive oil and an egg. Ick. My food processor is broken so we had to make them in the blender, which isn't a problem. The very sticky patties looked so gross, but they formed and were quickly grilled. FYI, this russipe says 4 minutes per side, but be prepared for one side of the burgers to be burned. Also, what old fashioned drive-in sells walnut burgers? Once burned errr..cooked, we put the hard as rock "patties" on buns with avocado, lettuce tomato and the Pièce de résistance- honey mustard. If not for making a delicious honey mustard, this would have been

inedible. The inside of these suckers looked like dog food mush. It was creamy but dry at the same time. After three bites, I kid you not, I had to put it down because my jaw started hurting. The seasoning packet was too much. These may be better with some serious tweaking (ditch the packet, less bread crumbs, etc). Also, they sat in our stomachs like a brick. Ick.

Finally for cocktail time we made the Spiked Orange Smoothie. Which sounded a lot like her DarlingClementine, but more healthy. You take a can of frozen oj concentrate, a packet of sugar free, fat free vanilla pudding, orange cream yogurt (whatever that is), lowfat milk, 1c. vanilla vodka, 1/4c. orange liqueur, ice and blend it all together till it's thick and creamy. It smelled like a boozy orange. That being said, the taste was even worse. We have often talked about perhaps making this a video blog just so y'all can see the amazing faces we make when trying this food (especially Liz, who tends to hate everything way more than I do). Nothing we have tasted before has ever evoked such faces as this drink. Like the Kwanzaa cake, every flavor was there. The thick vanilla, the fake oj juice, the yogurt and then you get hit with vodka, vodka, vodka, orange! It's a horrible taste that no one should suffer through. It made four glasses so we drank them anyway after it diluted a bit, but oh my god. The only proper way to really show our facial expressions throughout this drink is in the following video where babies suck on lemons:

Seriously, Liz looks just like that quite often after tasting this food. So this was not the best cocktail time we've ever done. I consider it a win since our stomachs didn't get gnarly on us. So until next time: keep it over-seasoned, yet keep it bland, and always keep it Semi-Edible!