No more cheese, please!

Liz and I were planning to watch Game 3 of the Stanley Cup and I hadn't eaten dinner yet. After quickly nixing the idea of making a full Aunt Sandy meal (I wanted something fully-edible and couldn't afford to feel sick the next day) we opted for the quick side dish of Cheesy Cauliflower Gratin: frozen cauliflower, condensed cheddar cheese soup, cayenne and mexican cheese are mixed and microwaved for 6 minutes, topped with bread crumbs and parm then put under the broiler until the top gets crispy.* Oh dear lord, where do I begin. Oh right, here is a picture of this beauty's creation:

MmmMmm cheesy globby goodness. Who in their right mind would ever make this recipe exactly as is?!? Oh, right, the 40+ people that have reviewed the recipe, more than half of which gave rave reviews. Well, let me just warn you: do not trust those raving that they would "recommend it to anyone" and that this is the "best cauliflower gratin." These people are either liars or have ageusia. Here are the problems we found:

• First and foremost, who uses condensed cheesy soup to cook other than our grandma's generation? How hard is it to make a roux, add some milk and then pile in some fresh cheese? It takes 5 minutes- I do it all the time. Maybe Aunt Sandy loves the taste of sodium-soaked processed cheese with the slight background flavor of an aluminum can? Can I tell you? This is super gross.
• Frozen cauliflower is also super gross. To me, it's always obvious when someone cooks with frozen vegetables; there's a slightly plastic taste and mushy texture to it. While I will only ever use frozen peas and green beans, it was this aspect that bothered me the most; Liz said the frozen cauli didn't bother her. Eh, 1-1.
• By following the recipe we got a semi-cooked, semi-frozen mess of cauliflower. However, I have to admit, it was kind of fun taking a bite and not knowing if the piece would burn the roof of my mouth or be a cali-sicle.
• At first bite, Liz said it tasted like vomit, so she took a second bite, made a face, put her fork down and pushed the plate away from her. I was more tolerant of the dish and ate my serving's worth. I had velveeta as a child and am not one to be above enjoying cheese whiz. So although not so great, I thought it was okay. However, 20 minutes later my stomach began its revolt, which I have to say is the best reason to never again eat this dish.

This was a fail. We cannot wait for you to try this!

*We did not use the called for 1/4 tsp. salt in the recipe. We thought the 80% daily value of sodium in the canned soup was enough. We apologize that we broke one of our main rules, but it was a judgment call....a judgment call that made us not nearly as swollen the next day. It was beyond salty enough without it.